It's not you, it's your toddler {don't let your toddler be the judge of your mothering abilities}

Friday, April 8, 2016

Our children's behavior and our skills as mothers have become one in the same, and I'm hear to share that they shouldn't be. 
Toddlers can be little a-holes sometimes. If they were adults they would be committed to an insane asylum. 
Jacob went through a particularly difficult, rip your hair out, pour me another glass of wine phase shortly after his second birthday. The complete and utter insanity lasted for about a month and I can honestly tell you that most days I did not enjoy my tots company, even though I love him something fierce. 

Every night, even some whole days, I felt like I was completely failing him as his mother. I felt like his behavior had to be a reaction to something I was doing wrong, and that I was going to ruin my child forever. I tried to give him more attention, plan fun activities, but everything always ended up in tantrums and frustration. 

Then something magical happened: Jacob returned back to a more normal level of toddler craziness all on his own. I now enjoy hanging out with my little dude again, we play games, chat about life, laugh, and snuggle a lot. He's one of my favorite people and we have a blast.

This brings me to the conclusion that it is not always us. That just because our toddler is going through a difficult phase, it does not mean that we are bad mothers. We cannot always take the blame for our children's crazy antics, and we need to stop being so hard on ourselves. How we feel about ourselves as mothers should not be determined by our children. Just because your son or daughter has a particularly "off" day, week, or month does not always mean that you are doing something wrong as a parent. 

I have since stopped letting my toddler be the judge of my mothering abilities. If two year olds are insane to begin with, aren't I just as insane to let them determine how I feel about myself? 
These little creatures can sometimes make us forget that we are the ones in control, and guess what?
I know I'm a damn good Mom because I am doing the best that I can. 
If you worry about being a good mom, then you have your answer. You are one.
Don't let your toddlers behavior fool you.


*Photo by Ashley Matteson Photography

1 comment:

  1. I love this!! I do this to myself all the time. I swear I'm screwing up because my 4-year-old doesn't rush over to his little brother to see if he's ok when he gets hurt. I'm worried I'm somehow not teaching compassion... but then my husband reminds me that he's 4, he doesn't know better and we have to just keep repeating ourselves over and over and he'll figure it out.